“Ultimately man becomes sick for sheer lack of authenticity; he no longer lives as a subject: he exists as the plaything of chance and superficiality.” ~Benedict XVI~
I think everybody goes through some form of an identity crisis at some point. I think perhaps the hardest thing any of us ever has to do is to be real, to be authentic. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want to be when I grow up. Which is sort of weird, because it would seem that I have been ‘grown up’ for a good many years. But for some reason, the older I get, the more I want my life to have meaning. I want to do things that matter, that have a lasting impact, for the better.
Yes, I firmly believe that Homeschooling is something that matters greatly. Raising our children in a Christian home with Christian values is the single most important contribution any parent could ever make. Nothing could ever matter more. If I didn’t believe that, I certainly would not have kept it up for the past 15 years! There have been so many times when it seemed it would be far easier to pack everybody up and send them to the government to be raised and indoctrinated! But, that has never been a real option for me. However, as my kids get older (and one is already in college) I have been thinking more and more about what I would like to do with my own life now. Life after homeschooling, as it were.
For a long time I thought I would simply go to school, get my nursing degree, and become a midwife. But that never really settled well with me, because deep down, I am at odds with the idea of Certified Nurse Midwifery. Nurses are Nurses. Midwives are Midwives. I do not think they are necessarily mutually exclusive, but I am quite sure that one does not have to be a nurse to be a midwife. But, that is a soapbox I will not go into here and now. Suffice it to say, that I have realized that nursing school is not something I want to pursue.
So what, then, do I want to do? I want to write. I love to write (probably why I have a blog in the first place??) and it is the one thing that I cannot seem to not do! Writing is the part of me that is always authentic, and yet in the past twenty years, I’ve done very little of it.
I really loved the quote that I put at the top of this post. It hit me on a visceral level in a way I can’t fully explain. So I wanted to share it, and try to gather some of my very scattered thoughts on that idea. I don’t want to merely float through life, waiting for something wonderful to happen. I want to be authentic, in all areas of my being.
Yes, I will continue to homeschool until we hear otherwise from God. Frankly, I don’t see that happening, and I am very content and happy about that. But in an effort to be true to myself, I think I may take a class or two, here and there. . . and maybe pursue that Professional Writing Degree when I finally do decide to grow up!