I just found out that my friend, Bonnie, went home to Heaven at 4:45 this morning. Her family was with her, and her daughter, Laura, tells me it was very gentle and peaceful.
I spent the night with Bonnie in the hospital on Monday night. It was a long night. She had several seizures, and was unable to really tell me what she needed or wanted. She was so restless, and my biggest task was probably keeping her untangled from her IV cord, catheter and bed sheets. As I sat there in the deep hours of the night, watching over her and praying for her, I was struck by her youthfulness. Her face was soft, like that of a young girl. And her legs and feet looked like they belonged to a healthy young teen, not a woman dying from cancer. It was all so surreal and incongruous.
Bonnie was so young! Her birthday was earlier this month, and I know she was only a year or two older than me, so that would mean she turned 43 or 44. She has four children. I delivered her youngest child, Sarah, at home just twelve short years ago. It seemed so strange to me, that the last night I’d spent with Bonnie was during her labor and birth, helping to bring life into this world. And now I was once again spending the night with her, this time as she reached the end of her own life.
Bonnie is not the first friend I’ve had to die young. Before I turned twenty years old, three of my friends took their own lives. Two were killed in car wrecks. Yet another was a casualty of a gang fight. It wasn’t his fight, but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it doesn’t really matter. The end result is the same. And the rest of us are left here on earth to make sense of it, somehow.
I don’t understand why Bonnie had to die so young. I don’t understand how someone who had never smoked, drank, or eaten junk food could have cancer. She told me that she had not gotten enough rest, and that when she did sleep, the room hadn’t been dark enough. I told her that she was the only person on the planet who could say something like that, that the rest of us had a litany of health faux pas we could blame, but only she could say she should have gotten more rest! She had never even taken so much as an aspirin until a year ago, when the lymphs in her armpit got so swollen and painful! No, that will never make sense to me.
Our homeschooling community is grieving collectively. Bonnie, in her quiet, gentle way touched so many of us very profoundly. She was the kind of Christian “Proverbs 31″ woman that most of us can only hope to be. She was so firm in her faith and convictions, yet never judgmental or legalistic. She loved everybody without compromising her own faith or family. Her children are a living legacy of her faith and beauty. Her oldest two daughters are barely grown, but they already shine with the strong Christian Faith and Spirit of their mother. I have no doubt that her son and youngest daughter will, as well. If all of us could be that sort of Christian, this world would truly be a different place. She was the kind of friend who inspired me to be a better wife, mother, person. And, without question, I am a better person for having known her. I can only pray that I will grow to be more like her, and that maybe, in some small way, I can pass on the many blessings she gave to me to someone else.
I will be one of many who will miss Bonnie too. If I was to write something like this, it would be exactly the same words, minus the midwifery part. She helped me in the beginning of our homeschool journey. We worked together for a year-her on database, me on email chain. We were up late hours, amking sure both of our jobs ran smoothly. I could be to blame on some of her sleep-less nights
She will truly be missed but I will rejoice too, in know she is no longer in pain, hurting, fighting. She didn’t lose her battle with the cancer, she WON! She’s in Heaven now, Victory In Jesus!
I am in the long line of people who will miss Bonnie, too. Her light was so bright that it seems inconceivable that she is not shining in this world any longer except through her family. She embodied grace and peace. Her faith, trust, and positive attitude was encouraging to all those she came in contact with. She is my 5th homeschool mom friend who has gone to be with her Lord because of cancer. It doesn’t make sense by this world’s standards, to be sure. Yet, I have seen how God does become the mother to the motherless. I have seen how life fills in around the hole — never filling the hole, but fills around it, and life becomes bearable, once again. Her passing is another reminder of how short this life is, whether we live 5 minutes, 43 years, or 100 years. Eternity is forever.
So, from Bonnie I am encouraged to:
>Walk with my God, for He will not forsake me and I will be spending a lot of time with him in the future.
>Appreciate a good night’s sleep.
>Don’t fret about tomorrow or what we will eat or drink . . .
>Keep a good sense of humor.
>Trust that God will care for my family.
>I’m never in control (I’m just sometimes deluded to think I am!)
>Take one day at a time.
>Don’t sweat the small stuff.
>It’s all small stuff.
Thank you Bonnie.
Thank you Valarie for an opportunity to write my thoughts about Bonnie.
Gina
I was surprised that Bonnie went so quickly! I have never seen a cancer patient who was so radiant and healthy-looking. Even after her seizures, I thought it would be a little while longer. God will take care of her family and will offer Himself to them to be closer to Him than ever before; but I am sorry that they have to go through this terrible valley of .
They will all need their friends.
I was surprised, as well. I think her excellent nutrition played a really big role in her healthy appearance. Thanks so much to everyone for sharing their thoughts. . . I love what Gina said about life filling in around the hole. . . Amen.
I knew Bonnie more in her younger years, as we are cousins who eventually moved in different directions — she and her family south; my family and me north. On rare occasions when I was taking summer courses in the Carolinas (1989-1993), I would come by for a weekend visit to NC. The result was getting to meet Mitch a few times as well as a few of the younger Musselwhites.
I always enjoyed reading what she would write in occasional emails we’d receive. I also enjoyed reading the family letter that she and the family would send out around Christmas/New Year’s.
In August my husband and I were in the Carolinas on vacation. It coincided with a Musslewhite family event in honor of Laura and Kyle’s marriage. My brother and his wife, as well as my husband and I decided that we would take the opportunity to visit the family, as I had seen none of them since 1993. At that time it seemed that Bonnie was doing quite well.
When we first began to receive the news that Bonnie had suddeny taken a turn for the worse, my brother and I both commented, via email, how glad we were that we had taken the time to make the trip to NC that Saturday. We do believe that Laura, Rebekah, David, and Sarah are the recipients of a wonderful Christian heritage.
Although we will miss her being an email away, or closer, we will retain good memories of that day we spent with Bonnie and her family, as well as her mother, sister, and brother-in-law.
Our thoughts and prayers are with the family.
Hey Valarie,
Thanks for this post. It’s great to see how much my mom meant to you and others.
-Laura