Monthly Archives: November 2009

I get this email every year, but I love it! In fact, I agree with it so much I’m posting it here. Enjoy!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

From Kendall’s Facebook:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Just wanted to wish everyone a Blessed and Happy Thanksgiving! There is so much horror in our world, I am grateful to have at least one day out of the year to just focus on blessings. I am grateful, most of all, for my Husband, my Children, and my Mother. Running a very close 2nd are all of my wonderful and amazing friends who have supported, comforted, and lifted me up in prayer over this past year. I would surely be in a padded cell by now, if it weren’t for them!

We are headed out in a couple of hours to our friend, Tiffany Galozzi’s home, where we are going to enjoy her wonderful cooking and hospitality. Woo Hoo! Then, tomorrow, we start decorating the house for Christmas, and finish the day up at the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert down in Greenville.

Okay, so I’m looking at pictures of all my old High School friends on Facebook, and am thinking that I seriously need to lose about a million pounds.  And that I need to exercise for like, six hours a day, all throughout the holidays, so I don’t look exactly like the Goodyear blimp by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around.

But then, I visited People of Walmart again.  I’m feeling wayyyyyy better now!  So, if you are feeling discouraged about the way you look, and need some encouragement, I highly recommend looking at those pictures.  At the very least you will feel better about yourself, and you might even get a good laugh or two!

So, today I am going to start baking homemade rolls for Thanksgiving.  We are going to be at a friend’s home this year (Thanks, Tiffany!) so I don’t have to actually prepare the entire meal, which is so nice!  And, there will be about twelve people, so that will be really nice, too.  I really prefer Thanksgiving when there are a lot of folks to enjoy it with.

We are also going to be cleaning house today and tomorrow, because this weekend, we will be putting up all of our Christmas decorations!  So, I am thinking about the Holidays, and how fast they seem to be racing toward us.  It will all be here (and then gone!) before I know it.

Faith’s friend, Anamarie, said something the other day that really made me think. I have not looked forward to celebrating Christmas for a very long time, because it seems like we are always so short on money when it rolls around, no matter how much I’ve saved for it during the year.  (This year, for example, I have had to dump almost $1000 into my car in the past WEEK!  That was Christmas money.  Now, it’s just a painful memory. )

But, back to Anamarie.  I was driving the girls somewhere, and she pipes up in her adorable little twelve-year-old voice and says “I can’t wait for Christmas!”  And I said “Really?  Why?  What is it that you enjoy most about Christmas?”  I wasn’t being sarcastic in any way.  I really wanted to know.  Sometimes it is just so nice to get a glimpse of the world through the eyes of a child.  It’s almost always a nicer place than I tend to think it is. Well, she explained that she loves putting up the tree, and opening presents, and getting to go to both of her grandmother’s homes for more presents and for yummy food.  Hmm.  I remember feeling excited about those things.  It was a long, long time ago.  Somehow that excitement has gotten away from me over the years.

Okay, I don’t mean to be on a total downer here.  I am merely taking an honest assessment.  And, yes, I am very well aware of the fact that Christmas is not supposed to be about all that stuff, but that all of that stuff is supposed to be about Christmas.  The birth of the Savior of the world, the Christ Child.  And we do things every year to remind ourselves of that fact, to celebrate and focus on that meaning.  We light the Advent Candles every evening, and pray together as a family.  We go to Daily Mass more often, and we attend special church services.  We celebrate Wigilia, and go to Midnight Mass.  And don’t get me wrong:  I *LOVE* those things!  But I still find it very difficult to get in the mood when the time comes.

But this year, I am really going to try, really hard, to focus on the *spirit* of the season, and not worry about all the rest of it.  Yes, I would really love a big family Thanksgiving or Christmas, where all my family joined us and we had this wonderful time together, then all went to church together.  I would love to feel a sense of hopefulness about the future of our country.  I would love to think that our house is about to sell!   But none of those things are real.  What is real, though, is God, and the blessings that He has given us.  So, I am focusing on the blessings, and on being Thankful for them, as we Head for the Holidays.

I get emails from Staples.  I never read them, but I get them.  But today’s title caught my eye.  It reads:  “Your Destiny Awaits”. Okay, you’ve got my attention, ’cause I’m all about destiny and all.  So, I read the email.  No mention of destiny, and the best I can tell, Staples idea of my ‘destiny’ (and probably yours, too) is Windows 7.  Pass.  It will be a cold day south of the border before I purchase anything Windows again!!

A friend recently asked me how I was liking my MacBook.  I told him that I would go back to using a typewriter before I would ever use a Windows-based computer again.  So, I will make my own destiny, thank you very much!!

And I think I am going to look into stopping those emails from Staples.  They’re subversive!!!

So, anybody who knows me even a little, knows I hate Walmart. I have said for years that the easiest way to film a zombie documentary is to just tape the people who are shopping at Walmart. I honestly believe it’s like the lifeforce just gets sucked right out of you when you walk in that place, and people walk twice as slow as they normally would. Which makes it absolutely impossible to get out of there quickly.

And haven’t we all seen something completely mind-boggling either in the store or the parking lot? Well, apparently this phenomenon is global, and happens at all Walmarts. There is actually a website dedicated to posting pictures of the freaky people you see there. Please be forewarned: some of it is vulgar. Some of it is beyond vulgar. A lot of it is not okay for young children to see. Even though all of these pictures were taken in public.  But, being the twisted individual that I am, I had to laugh. A lot. And I am not sure what is funnier, the pictures, or the comments the guy puts under each one.

After seeing these pictures of how people actually dress and then go out in public, I am beginning to understand how Obama got elected, and what is wrong with our nation!!

Check it out (but make sure you have some free time, cuz it’s gonna take a while!!)  And please, come back and leave me a comment about what you thought.

People of Walmart

I don’t get the vampire thing.  Never have, but here is a really fascinating explanation for it.  Fr. Barron makes some great points.

I hate being sick!  I have dodged the flu for years now, but have not been so lucky this year.  I have the flu, and I hate it.  No, I don’t think it’s the “swine flu”, and even if it was, I wouldn’t care.  I am not really into all the propaganda.  The flu is the flu is the flu.  Who really cares what strain it is?  Just so long as it goes away, right?

Faith and Alex had it about ten days ago, now Mom and I have it.  Kendall hasn’t gotten it, which is amazing, because he definitely burns both ends of the candle and never gets enough rest.  He has been taking awesome care of all of us, though, tucking Faith in for me, bringing Sprite and stuff from the store on his way home, and even kept his phone on all night so I could call him if I needed anything last night.  I’m just down the hall, but with a 103 degree fever, a phone call is definitely easier!  Thankfully I didn’t need to call.

So, yeah.  I’m sick, and I’m sick of being sick.  Faith and I are supposed to go to Homeschool Day at the Pisgah Astronomical Research Institute over in Rosman on Thursday.  Gaylon is flying in on Friday.  Yeah. . . I have GOT to start feeling better!!