It has been many years, almost nineteen, actually, since we’ve had only once child at home.  With Alex going off to Boot Camp this week, and Kendall still in North Carolina, it has been eerily empty here.  Abby has been left all alone here.  I realize that many 13 year olds would be thrilled, but not her.  She loves her brothers so much, and they love her just as much.  So she is grieving right along with me, Gaylon and Mom.

I have found myself really missing the days when all three of my children were young, and wishing that somehow, I could rewind time.  I love being a homeschool mom, and am seriously grieving that I can see the end of this chapter of my life coming much sooner than I would have liked.  My cousin’s wife posted a cloth diapering question on Facebook tonight, and I found myself reminiscing about the days when we first started using cloth diapers, and how much I enjoyed it.  (Please note:  I did not use cloth diapers for environmental reasons!)  I remember how much I loved breastfeeding, and carrying my babies in slings.

I suppose after twenty years of being a Homeschool Mom, it’s understandable that it’s a difficult transition for me, right?  I am fully aware that these next four years with Abby are going to be gone before I can blink twice!  I don’t want to miss out on a single thing with her, but at the same time, I have to start preparing myself for the fact that I’m about to be out of a job at that point, so-to-speak!  I’m seriously considering pursing a midwifery license here in Texas.  What do ya’ll think?

I guess I always sort of had an unspoken plan in my heart of how things would be, but somehow, it’s all so very different than what I’d imagined.  I had some sort of vague fantasy about how the kids would all grow up, go to college, and then we would all live in close proximity of one another, and we’d have these amazing old-fashioned holidays, with lots of grandchildren, everywhere!  And don’t forget some completely incredible Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation parties, too!

But somehow, life got in the way of my plans, and now my boys are literally on opposite sides of this great country, and I’m here in the middle without them.  However, I refuse to be unhappy.  I just need some time to accept this new plan and roll with it.  I’m generally not much of a control person, so it has come as quite a bit of a surprise to me that I even had plans and that I’m grieving over the fact that they’re not coming to fruition!

So, I’m pouring my energy into Faith Abigail, and starting to plan who I want to be when I grow up, er, I mean, when my kids are all grown up!  It will be a new adventure, right?


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