I am (believe it or not!) a bit of an introvert. I love being with people, and going out and doing things, but when I’m done, I’m DONE. And then, I want to be ALONE. I’ve spent a great deal of my life fantasizing about how wonderful it would be to have some time. . . ALONE.
Well. I have plenty of that time now. Gaylon and Abby work all the time, and Mom is gone, so most days I’m alone. And you’d think I’d have accomplished so much. Like that quilt I started two years ago for A.J.’s son, Asher. At the rate I’m going, he’ll be in college before I get it done! (I hope A.J. and his wife don’t hold their breath on that t-shirt quilt I’m going to be doing for them. . .!) Or all those other sewing projects I’ve got planned. Or, how about my last lesson in Module 2, Unit 5? Nope. It’s just sitting here accusingly as I type.
And never mind projects and schoolwork. You’d think my prayer life would be brilliant! Nope. I mean, I do still pray, but all those Bible study aids are still covered in dust. As is my house. (In my defense, it’s hard to be motivated to dust when one has brochitis!)
And I keep sitting down at my computer thinking I’ll design a website for Gaylon Brooks Construction, or write all these riveting blog posts that will rock the world. But, no.
I really do think it’s shock. Or maybe this is what “Empty Nest Syndrome” looks like. I used to be such a doer, a go-getter. I would make a list, and by nightfall, I’d have it all marked off. But instead, I get to the end of each day, and wonder what happened. I usually manage to get the bed made, the coffee pot cleaned out and prepped for the next day, and most of the time I get dinner made. No, I don’t think I’m depressed, although I suppose that’s an option. I just think that after almost 50 years of having someone around to be with, I’m in a bit of shock that I’m alone now.
I remember my Mom was always doing something. Going to lunch. Shopping. Political meetings. She was amazingly busy for someone who hated cooking, refused to sew or do any sort of handiwork and pretty much had no hobbies. And then I think, perhaps its because she didn’t have the internet to distract her. I mean, Facebook is the one think I manage to “accomplish” daily. I never turn on the television, but I do check Facebook, Instagram, etc.
So, I’ve promised myself that I’m going to put all this wonderful “Alone Time” to good use. I’m going to force myself to spend at least two hours each day working on school. And as soon as I get this darned bronchitis under control, I’m going to start going back to Daily Mass. I love Daily Mass, but it’s so easy to slip out of the habit.
So, yeah. . . .being alone is not exactly what I’d imagined. But I’m hoping I have the power to change that.