This is exactly how I feel most of the time. I love this comic!!!

Living In A Perfect World

We have five cats who graciously allow us to live here with them.  There are a few rules by which we must live, to keep peace in their world.  These rules serve, for the most part, to keep us entertained.  For example, when we go to the refrigerator to get ice, we are required to share.  Bonnie, our Pekingese, comes running, along with Stella, Faith’s kitten, and Pippin, my cat.  They want ice, too.  Bonnie eats it.  Bonnie eats anything that won’t eat her first, actually.  Stella and Pippin like to chase the ice.

More often than not, I have cats trying to get into the shower with me, as well.  Piewacket, Anastasia, and Pippin have all gotten into the shower with me, and love to stand on the edge of my bathtub and stare at me in the shower.  Yeah, it’s a bit unnerving.

Pippin and Anastasia love to jump up on my desk and plant themselves firmly and directly between me and my computer keyboard.  So, I have to stop whatever I am doing, and pet them.  Then I have to further delay my scheduled activities to wipe all of the fur off of my computer screen and my desk.

Pippin (the cat who has claimed me exclusively as his own) has to tuck me into bed every night.  He stands on my chest, nuzzles my ear with his wet little nose, and purrs loudly.  Then, he suddenly jumps down to the floor and heads off into the night.  If I have the poor manners to go to bed and shut him out of my room, he literally beats on my bedroom door until I get up and let him in, so that he can tuck me in.  This little ritual gets short-circuited when Gaylon is home.  He thinks it is absolutely ludicrous to get out of a soft, comfy, warm bed to let a cat in.  Or out.  Which, in all honesty, is not completely fair to Pippin, since Pippin does try to tuck Gaylon in, too, when he’s here.  Gaylon just doesn’t seem to appreciate the gesture as much as I do.

Faith’s kitten, however, has presented us with a challenge we’ve never had to deal with before.  Let me give some background information, first.  Stella Luna is only about 5 months old.  She is very small, and we think she will probably always be quite tiny.  She is faster than any creature that we have ever encountered.  I’m not entirely convinced that she can’t fly!  Well, yesterday, she seemed bent on showing us her climbing skills.  I cannot begin to tell you how shocking it is to look up and see a ten-foot Christmas tree shaking!  We couldn’t even see the cat, because she was deep inside the tree, climbing straight up the middle of it, about halfway to the top! (Please refer to diagram for further clarification!)   That’s a first for our family.  We’ve never had a cat climb any of our Christmas trees.

So, we set the water bottle on “stun”, and sprayed her.  Our packages are all water-stained, and I’m just praying we don’t end up causing damage to the lights, or worse. . .

And, she seems to be  very slow learner.  She climbed up that tree three times in one day!! Thankfully, only one ornament has been broken thus far.  We definitely cannot leave her out if we’re not here.  No telling what we might find when we got home, but I’m thinking it would be something horrific, and of Biblical proportions!

I get this email every year, but I love it! In fact, I agree with it so much I’m posting it here. Enjoy!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Okay, so I’m looking at pictures of all my old High School friends on Facebook, and am thinking that I seriously need to lose about a million pounds.  And that I need to exercise for like, six hours a day, all throughout the holidays, so I don’t look exactly like the Goodyear blimp by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around.

But then, I visited People of Walmart again.  I’m feeling wayyyyyy better now!  So, if you are feeling discouraged about the way you look, and need some encouragement, I highly recommend looking at those pictures.  At the very least you will feel better about yourself, and you might even get a good laugh or two!

So, anybody who knows me even a little, knows I hate Walmart. I have said for years that the easiest way to film a zombie documentary is to just tape the people who are shopping at Walmart. I honestly believe it’s like the lifeforce just gets sucked right out of you when you walk in that place, and people walk twice as slow as they normally would. Which makes it absolutely impossible to get out of there quickly.

And haven’t we all seen something completely mind-boggling either in the store or the parking lot? Well, apparently this phenomenon is global, and happens at all Walmarts. There is actually a website dedicated to posting pictures of the freaky people you see there. Please be forewarned: some of it is vulgar. Some of it is beyond vulgar. A lot of it is not okay for young children to see. Even though all of these pictures were taken in public.  But, being the twisted individual that I am, I had to laugh. A lot. And I am not sure what is funnier, the pictures, or the comments the guy puts under each one.

After seeing these pictures of how people actually dress and then go out in public, I am beginning to understand how Obama got elected, and what is wrong with our nation!!

Check it out (but make sure you have some free time, cuz it’s gonna take a while!!)  And please, come back and leave me a comment about what you thought.

People of Walmart

This absolutely cracked me up!!!  If you homeschool, then you’ll love it.  If you have issues with homeschooling, please watch closely. . . twice.

I love books, and often buy them used, to save money.  One of my favorite sources for used books is the Advanced Book Exchange, or, Abebooks.com.  They send me emails, from time to time, to get me to sign in and spend money.

So, this morning I got a really funny email from them, announcing their new “Weird Book Room”.  It features titles such as:

A New Book on Hanging, by Charles Duff

Outhouses by Famous Architects by Steve Schaecher

Doga: Yoga for Dogs by Jennifer Brilliant and William Berloni

The Platypus of Doom and Other Nihilists by Arthur Byron Cover

(and my personal favorite – )

Paint It Black: A Guide to Gothic Homemaking by Voltaire

Soooo. . . yeah.  Those really are “weird” titles.  And to think, I’ve been thinking all this time that if I wrote a book, it would probably never get published.  I’m feeling so much more hopeful now!

My last post was about  how ridiculously high the taxes on cigarettes have gotten, and how it is going to get worse.  Well, I have to say that it has apparently gotten a lot worse than I thought, a lot sooner than I thought!  The following is from Yahoo! Odd News:

NH Man Charged 23 Quadrillion Dollars for Smokes

Wed Jul 15, 9:11 am ET

MANCHESTER, N.H. – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars.

Josh Muszynski (Moo-SIN’-ski) checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).

Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.

The bank corrected the error the next day.

Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank.

___

Information from: WMUR-TV, http://wmur.com

See?  I told you!!!